Mom on The Street

MOM ON THE STREET
MOM-TO-MOM ADVICE ON LIFE, LIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF YOUR OWN GROOVE

Welcome to our latest monthly column, Mom on the Street (ya know, like Man on the Street).
Each month, we'll be asking moms, just like you, for a slice of their sage advice, insider tips or
tried-and-true wisdom in the hopes that their unique brand of Mothering inspires, assuages,
calms, strengthens and even amuses yours.

This month's question:

How has your relationship with your partner changed since you became parents?

Mindy Griwatsch, the mother of four boys and wife of 12 years to husband, Dave, is the owner of Music for Me & More (www.musicformeandmore.com), a personalized kids’ music cds and books company, as well as a full-time nursing student. Here's what this very busy Michigan mom has to say:

“This is an ever-repeating conversation in our house. Where do we find time for each other in the mix of our hectic lives? What used to be priority such as quality time, conversation and quiet times alone has shifted to poopy diapers, scouts, homework, bedtime stories etc.—and the list goes on and on. Although, we wouldn’t change it for the world and feel very blessed to be the parents of four absolutely gorgeous boys, we do struggle now as a married couple to find balance. Our relationship has taken a shift in priority and oftentimes, is the last thing that gets any attention.

To stay connected, we are incorporating date nights every other week which is something we have done in the past and have provided much needed “us” time. As a couple, we recognize that by neglecting us we are not only hurting our relationship but we are hurting our family.”

Svetla Kibota is the founder and CEO of pomme bebe (www.pommebebe.com), Orange County's first purveyor of freshly made, organic baby food. Here's what this innovative California mother of one has to say:

“Since Marina entered our lives we have never looked back; however, being a parent has its ups and downs. It is mostly ups, of course, but there is the occasional moment of panic or sheer frustration with your child, your husband, yourself and even your pet. Those are the moments that are a true testament to the strength and evolution of our relationship. My husband is the real patient, methodical type who has to have a plan or system for everything. Me on the other hand, I love spontaneity and
freedom. The contrast has always worked great for us— the yin and yang balance each other perfectly. Having a baby definitely shifted the center of gravity of our balanced world. All of a sudden, I had to be much more organized and my husband had to give up control of his well planned daily routine. Our baby threw both of us off balance and in doing so brought us closer together. We've learned to appreciate each other's strengths and to rely on each other a lot more. Being parents requires partnership on every level and that is what has evolved and deepened in our relationship. Plus, we have joys that we had never experienced before -- like sneaking in our baby's room and watching her sleep—what a precious moment!”

Michelle “Shell” Luba, mother of two, is the CMO (Chief Mom Officer) of www.connectingmoms.com, an online safe haven where moms can connect, bond and share. Here's what this Leesburg, Virginia, mom has to say:

“Life as we knew it changed forever the day our daughter was born and we held her in our arms. Before kids we were inseparable, the kind of couple I now see and envy because they remind me of how romantic our life used to be when we’d hold each others’ hands and gaze into each others’ eyes or embrace in a passionate kiss. Oh sorry—I was daydreaming. Okay back to how our life has changed since having kids. Ummm, did I already say life as we knew it changed forever?

You see, my husband and I were high school sweethearts, and acted like we were honeymooners for 13 years—that was until we had children. Now in order to get some alone time, we have to wait patiently for the kids to go to bed or sneak away from our four-year-old daughter and six-month-old son. We used to call each other by our first names and now refer to each other as 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'.

I feel torn between my kids needing their mommy and my husband needing his wife—not to mention time for myself. But just as motherhood is challenging so is our relationship with each other. We have to constantly work on putting our relationship first or at least not putting it on the back burner. Being in a relationship is hard work and needs nourishing and attention. It’s so easy to close up and not express your true feelings but before you know it your relationship is on the back burner and you have to fight to keep the spark alive. We’ve been there done that—and its one lesson we’re not about to practice again. Keeping the communication lines open, expressing our love for each other and not taking each other for granted are just a few of the things we’re happily working on. I want my kids to look at their mommy and daddy and love seeing us hug or kiss or play together. Having a warm and loving household is key to building a strong and solid foundation for our family.

We’re always striving to be better parents and a better spouse to each other. We want to grow old together and become grandparents one day. Parenthood, to say the least, is life-altering and requires constant work and nurturing of all parties involved, not just the children.”