Welcome to our latest monthly column, Mom on the Street (ya know, like Man on the Street).
Each month,
we'll be asking moms, just like you, for a slice of their sage advice, insider tips or
tried-and-true wisdom in
the hopes that their unique brand of Mothering inspires, assuages,
calms, strengthens and even amuses yours.
 T'pon (that's her nom de blog) lives in Austin, TX with her husband of five years, two young sons, Bean (almost three) and Banzo (one year), two old dogs, Cole and Nugget and one cranky cat, Tones. By day, she practices public relations and by night she blows off steam on her blog, Prolly All the Time (prolly.blogs.com/prollyallthetime). Here's what she has to say:
“What advice do I give to other mothers? It depends on where they are in their family planning. If they are only just considering the idea of starting a family, I tell them nothing. Nothing but wonderful and happy things about the process of childbirth and parenting—because misery loves company and we all have our obligations to make sure that the species continues itself.
In all honesty, I have made a commitment to refrain from drive-by parenting. The only advice I offer is advice that has been sought out. And it's usually the same: Do what works for you and yours. There are tons of books, mothers, fathers, grandparents and never-been parents out there ready to make you feel like you're crippling your child's chances of being the best, brightest or even functional. And there is nothing like a little conflicting information and a thee in the morning Internet search to drive a mom crazy. There's a fine line between being informed and being crippled by knowledge.
If you listen long and hard enough to all those 'experts,' they drown out the one voice that matters: your own. That's the voice that tells you your baby is crying because of boredom, not a dirty diaper. It tells you that despite a lack of fever, there is something seriously wrong with your child. The voice that tells you that this sweet child, who has uttered only four words by the age of two, will come through in his own time. And the one that whispers it has been too quiet in the playroom for too long.
Your child trusts you, so you just need to trust yourself...and learn to sleep standing up.” |
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 Liz Smith is the Director of Retail Services and National Spokeswoman for Wacoal America. She lives in Suwanee, Georgia with her husband, Scott, and two sons, Ryan, age nine and Colin, age six, Lucy the dog, Molly the cat, and nine fish whose names she can never remember. Here's what Liz has to say:
“Don’t be afraid to do your research when searching for just the right nanny or babysitter. Being a working mom, I am definitely a member of the “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child” camp. We recently lost our beloved nanny to dental hygienist school. While we tried everything to convince her to stay, her need to clean children’s teeth won out over the Smith clan. Panicked that we would not have Mary Poppins reincarnate to take care of our precious boys, I began our search.
After striking out within my mommy network, I decided to try an online service (which I recommend) before going the formal agency route. My husband joined me on one of the interviews and was shocked at the questions that I was asking this candidate. I explained to him that I was not a big corporation, but a mom on a mission and could ask about her social life, driving record, drug use, education and if she even liked kids. This person will become a part of our family and will be responsible for our children—'No Comment' won’t cut it as an answer.
So after all of the searching, interviewing, background checks and finally just trusting my gut instinct, we have found our new nanny. She survived the Smith Inquisition and we are all in the process of getting to know one another. Phew!” |
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 Melissa Clifton is a an inner and outer beauty expert. Creator of www.browzing.net, she’s also an aesthetician, eyebrow stylist and national motivational speaker. Here's what this New Jersey single mother of Alex, age nine, has to say:
“I have the opportunity to work with many women everyday. The majority of my clients are mothers. I can tell you that 99 percent of the moms who lay on my table for 10 minutes are getting their only alone time for the day—by having the hair on their face waxed and plucked. Then they rush out of my room for a day full of doing things or everyone else. I feel that being a mom is one of the most important jobs in the world. For some motherhood is a natural progression. For others, it is an uphill climb we are all willing to do even if it kills us. One commonality we share as mothers is that our lives are no longer our own. If we are even on our daily to-do list, we are often at the bottom. Can you remember the days when laundry night was a nice break from going out with our friends every night? We all need to take care of ourselves so we can be better moms. We all want to be great examples for our children. One of motherhood’s greatest lessons and the one that is seldom taught is that you can teach your kids that they are important by making yourself important.
I recently booked a trip for myself at a destination spa. All I did for three days was read, exercise and have spa treatments. It was one of the best gifts I have given myself in a very long time. I came home, refreshed, relaxed and rejuvenated. If you can't plan a trip, book a massage or a spa day. Schedule time for yourself, daily or weekly, to do something you really enjoy. Just make sure it's for you and you alone—and don't feel guilty about it either. You will be a better mom having made the time for yourself.
The other advice I give other moms about motherhood is that when it comes to your children, you know what is best for them. Don't doubt your ability to be a great mother. Your children were put into your life for a reason. They were given to you because you are the best possible mother for them. There are many times when you don't know if you are making the right decision about a school or a problem your child may be having. Trust that you know what is best and be confident in your decision.
If you are ever feeling unappreciated as a mother, remember that your children notice all that you do. Their “thank yous” are in their wanting you before anyone else, in their hugs, in their little voices saying 'mommy' a hundred times a day.” |
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 Deb Luster is the founder of Can Do Kids, Inc. (www.iamacandokid.com). Here's what this Mill Valley, California mother of three has to say:
“I have three children ages seven, 10 and 11, and I have so much advice for mothers I could write three tomes, but each mom's experience is unique and special. Since there is really no universal advice, here are my top six tips for you to mold to your own mothering experience:
1. Listen to your kids. I remember walking out of a grocery store when I was pregnant with my first child and I saw a mother with her four- year-old son in the parking lot. He was talking to her and she had turned her entire body to face him and was looking at him and nodding. She had groceries to unload from her cart and I am sure she had places she needed to take him, but she gave him her complete undivided attention. It really touched me because I had rarely seen that kind of interaction between a parent and child in a public setting. I decided, then and there, to be an active listener for my children. I don’t always give my kids the attention they want, but I work hard at being present for them and listening to them. They learn from us. When we listen to them, we are creating an example of what that looks like. It may inspire them to be generous listeners and help them with relationships and school in the future. They might even listen to us.
2. Enjoy the mundane moments and make them magical. You know what is so great? My children have reminded me how to play. Even a load of unfolded laundry makes for great playful opportunities. Snow White whistles while she works—I laugh while we fold. Teaching children how to fold laundry while throwing laundry into the air and watching how it floats down is a magical moment creation. Every mundane moment is an opportunity to play and laugh.
3. Celebrate life. Every day is a celebration. Wake up the kids to music. Play a family game after dinner. Honor one child a day with a special responsibility (“You get to help me make dinner!”). I decorate the house for Halloween, Valentine's Day, spring, summer, Christmas, 4th of July, Easter and other times just because I like to decorate. We create rights of passage to celebrate: every year on the last day of school, my kids leave their classes and go to a grassy spot at their school and they make paper/sticker/sequin crowns and we have an end-of-school/move to the next grade celebration with sparkling cider, strawberries and chocolate chip cookies. We have done this every year with a few of their friends.
4. Create family traditions. Kids love to know that certain things never change. They can look forward to our Saturday homemade biscuit breakfast, our Sunday waffle tradition and our yearly camping trip. We have certain traditions around all our holidays and summer vacations to which they always look forward. When I was growing up we went camping every summer. As a teenager and even an adult, I still joined my parents camping. Every year my husband and I host a camping trip for family and friends. We plan on having our kids camping even when they have their own kids. You can create the family ski trip, the family dive trip, the family summer picnic tradition or anything to keep your family close an involved over the years.
5. Take time outs. Remember that the only way to have happy kids is to be a happy parent. Kids learn to be happy from us. They learn that when they grow up, they can create a happy life. I see parents—especially moms—working 24 hours a day, taking care of everyone around them. They wonder why they are anxious, tired and angry. I remember being a young mom with three kids under three years old. I was working on a start-up company and my husband was traveling with his own company for 80 percent of the time. One day I was yelling at my kids and giving them time outs (Three minutes for a three year old? It didn’t work for me!) and wondering who this lady was yelling at my kids. Oh, that’s me! I didn’t even recognize myself. I decided to give myself a three minute time-out. I closed the door of my room, put on my favorite music and took deep breaths. I came out surprisingly refreshed. The kids were anxious because mama left them but, I returned a different mama. I realized that I need to take more time-outs and I arranged a bit of time every day to exercise. Now that my kids are a bit older, I actually go away on small trips. I am generally a happy person. I still yell at my kids sometimes, but at least I recognize the yelling woman.
6. Have the can-do attitude. I have a company that was created to remind kids of all ages to know that they can do anything. The word can't is a bad word in our home. We try to reshape can't into “It’s challenging but I can do it.” It's important to try new things; to laugh and learn from mistakes. We are everyday examples of can-do. If we constantly complain, we won't create can-do kids. A friend of mine with a now-grown daughter spent hours while raising her daughter complaining about work—how hard she was working and how unhappy she was. As her daughter was growing up, she decided she didn’t want to work—it was too hard. She is now out of college and has had difficulty realizing that work can be a rewarding adventure.
I believe that all of life’s moments fall into four categories: what I term my four Ls, learning, loving, laughter and listening. When I find myself falling into the two nasty Ws, whining and worrying, I try to remember to laugh before I cry; to take deep loving breaths of my children’s hair; and to appreciate all the wacky, poignant, challenging and tender moments of motherhood.” |
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 Dora Morabito works four days a week as a billing/payroll administrator at Deer Deterrent Company. She shares a home and her life with her husband of eight years, Richie, her two-and-a-half year old son, Dominick, Sophie the dog and three cats, Chole, Charlotte and Princess. Here's what this Westchester County, New York mom has to say:
“I tell other moms that motherhood is blessing but it's a lot of work. Beyond that I have 12 tried-and-true tips for surviving the perils of modern-day parenthood.
1. It's okay to do things your way. Having my son Dominick a few months before my 39th birthday was the greatest joy I have ever had. I tell other moms to trust themselves and ask other mothers about how they do it. It's important to trust your own instincts and do things your way. For example, when my son was one and a half, he did not want to sit in a highchair or booster seat at the table. I purchased a small toddler sized table and chair set, but he wanted to sit at the dinner table with my husband and me. He liked to stand or kneel in what he called a “big boy chair.” My mom and in-laws did not like the idea that he stood at the table. But, as long as Dominick could kneel or stand, mealtimes were peaceful; if he was made to sit it was difficult. I felt like I was being a bad mom by allowing him to stand, but it worked for us. When I shared this with a friend she said “relax and do what works for you.” After that, I started to realize it my decision was okay. I am happy to report Dominick, who is almost two and a half, sits at the table on booster seat just fine.
2. Make dates with your spouse—even if it is as simple as having a quick breakfast. The dates can include the baby, but time alone for you two, must be a priority, even if it takes a little effort and scheduling.
3. Find good childcare. Since I had to return to work after having my son, finding great childcare was key to having peace of mind. My son’s daycare has been a great source of support, advice, and laughs about motherhood. There are lots of experienced moms who work there and are willing to share their experiences and advice. I am also extremely fortunate to have my mom to help me with childcare one day a week. I work a four days week, so Dominick and I have a day to hang out together. I tell other moms that working a four-day-week because it gives you a day with the baby and also flexibility to schedule appointments, keep up with the laundry and household chores.
4. Don't give up on your interests. I also tell other mothers to find time for themselves and to keep the interests you had before the baby, which can be difficult but worth all the effort. You may need to reduce some of your responsibilities, but you can stay involved. I know it's easier to tote around a newborn than a toddler, but even a toddler can learn to help. I help out once a month at a local food pantry and Dominick likes to help mommy fill the shopping bags. We combine this activity with a visit to the playground.
5. Make time for yourself. Sometimes just getting up a little earlier in the morning and having some quiet time to yourself can make the world of difference. Whether it is reading some pages of great novel or a tabloid magazine without being interrupted by your little one, taking care of yourself helps you do a better job of taking care of everyone else.
6. Be prepared. Keep a box in your car trunk with a change of clothes for the baby/toddler, diapers, wipes, small first aid kit, blanket and plastic bags for dirty diaper or wet clothes. and paper towels. These items come in handy for you and sometimes for another mom who may need something.
7. Don't wait too long. Getting pregnant is not as easy as you may tend to think. I thought it would happen as soon as we started trying—it doesn't always work that way. I do regret not starting my family earlier. I just thought I would have plenty of time. I was lucky to conceive, despite my advanced maternal age (I hate that term), without fertility treatments. I encourage other women not to wait until their mid-to-late thirties to start trying. I worry sometimes about being the older mom, but I know it’s my attitude and the way I care for myself that will prevent me from feeling old.
8. Allow your spouse to help. We often think we are the only ones who can do things with the baby correctly. Your spouse may not do things exactly the way you do, but that’s okay. I learned early on to let Daddy do it his way. Co-parenting really helps, especially when both parents work full-time.
9. Accept help. If family or friends offer to babysit or want to go shopping with/for you, accept the offer. Sometimes an extra set of hands or a break, can make all the difference.
10. Relax, smile, laugh and count your daily blessings. I have found that having a positive attitude helps with everything. It sounds simple, but it can be challenging when your toddler decides to have a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store.
11. Know that you can weather tantrums. If your little one has a tantrum, relax and know that that it will end. I have found that just talking softly, ignoring the tantrum and letting it run its course is the only way to go. If you have to leave a store or a restaurant, then do it. Keep in mind that running errands around your babies schedule makes for a much less stressful day. A well-rested baby is a happy baby. Keeping a schedule and regular routine helps everyone—and limits tantrums.
12. Above all cherish all moments with your little one. Keep the baby book up to date. Scrapbook or just keep a simple journal of the things your little one says and does. And take lots of pictures. They are only little for a short time.” |
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