New Age Daddy

NEW AGE DADDY
FATHERHOOD GETS A MAKEOVER

While it takes two to make a baby, for years people considered child-rearing to be solely the mother’s duty. But today’s fathers are more involved than ever, changing diapers, arranging playdates and even stepping up their roles around the house. In fact, a study recently released by the Council on Contemporary Families revealed that since the 1960s, men have doubled their contribution to housework, while women saw their share fall by more than two hours a week. So just how has the recent shift from mother-dominated parenting to co-parenting affected the men behind the change? Here, THE FAMILY GROOVE examines the most recent trends in fatherhood.

The Birth

Then: Dad waited outside the hospital room until a nurse poked her head into the hallway to exclaim, “It’s a boy!” Cigars were passed around and the proud papa was patted on the back.
Now: From the moment the pregnancy test turns blue, Dad is there. He’s attending childbirth classes, reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting and knowing your breathing exercises better than you do. In fact, more than 90 percent of dads are present when their child is born, playing an active role in the labor, either as a coach or a support person. No longer for spectators, pregnancy and birth have become contact sports. “Oh, Lord, did I ever read books,” says Matthew, who blogs about his adventures of parenting twins at www.childsplayx2.com. “I started off with books on fatherhood. I enjoyed Armin Brott’s Expectant Father, and I also read the classics. I think I read every twin parenting book out there.”

The Transition from Two to Three

Then: Dad drops the new mom and the baby off at home and promptly returns to work while Mom and baby spend the first few months bonding at home.
Now: More and more fathers are opting to exercise their company’s paternity leave policy.
The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993 allows men to take unpaid time off after the birth or adoption of children. In the past, few men have taken advantage of the chance to stay home with the children, primarily due to cost factors. In one survey, 78 percent of workers who needed FMLA but did not take it said they could not afford the unpaid leave.

But with more women earning more money, families are finding ways to let the little one bond with daddy, too. The numbers of men who take paternity leave are still low, but fathers are definitely noticing an increase in their numbers on the playground. “Here in California, fathers were recently able to take paid family leave after the birth of their children,” Matthew says. “I was the first male in my organization to take paid family leave, as I stayed home with the twins when they were five months old after my wife went back to work.”

Not only are dads taking paternity leave, but they’re enjoying it, too. “I took five weeks off and it was the best thing I’ve ever done,” Matthew says. “It really gave me confidence in my parenting skills. After all, the kids survived! Since then, I have noticed more fathers taking advantage of this within my organization.”

Bringing Home the Bacon

Then: Dad goes to work as the primary breadwinner, with Mom either working outside the home also or staying home to raise the children. Either way, the daily routine of parenthood was considered Mom’s domain.
Now: The number of at-home dads increased from 76,000 in 1994 to 159,000 in 2006, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Factor in how many dads have switched to part-time employment after the birth of their children and that number is quite impressive.

Whit Honea, a father of two, decided to stay home with his sons and said he feels fortunate to have this special opportunity. “It came about from a long, deep loathing of my old job and our limited options for childcare,” says Honea, whose blog (www.honeaexpress.blogspot.com) chronicles his life as an at-home dad. “Eventually, through a series of writing opportunities, I was able to walk out of my job and work from home. I was relieved and excited, with just a bit of fear of the unknown thrown in.”

Honea says that his days are never the same, as some days he’ll work all day and others he’ll spend the majority of the time with his boys. “It depends on deadlines and how cute the boys are being,” he says. “Even when I do have to work all day, it’s nice to be able to stop here and there for trips to the park or market. Most people break for coffee, I break for Play-Doh.”

Dads Have Rights, Too

Then: For the most part, fathers were expected to dole out discipline and teach their sons how to play catch.
Now: Fathers push for an expanded view of fatherhood and aren’t afraid to speak up to make their concerns heard. “There’s a Best Buy here that I’ve complained to numerous times about the fact that they don’t have changing tables in the men’s room,” Honea tells us. “This was brought to my attention when I had to change a diaper on the floor. They still don’t seem to care, so they don’t get my money. Circuit City seemed to understand.”
Honea says that prior to becoming a dad, he probably wouldn’t have cared or noticed the lack of changing options. “I never thought that I'd be fighting for changing tables in men’s rooms and boycotting establishments because of [being a dad],” Honea adds. “It’s kind of funny, really, but why shouldn’t we be considered?”

—Tara Pringle Jefferson

Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer living in Cleveland, Ohio.