 I reached out to our on-call OB/GYN Dr. Randy Fink for help with this question. Here's what the great doctor had to say:
“I am very sorry about your loss and I understand what you are experiencing. When you say "could it be postpartum" I think you are referring to postpartum depression. I wouldn't get too tied up in the words because I don't think they are what is most important. But no, postpartum depression is a different process. I hope you'll forgive me for sounding technical, but while you're feeling this pain in your heart, I want you to understand in your mind what's going on. That way, you'll have a better understanding of what makes your heart ache as it does, and will hopefully help you toward feeling better. What you are experiencing is called a grief reaction. Though you never got to meet your baby, when you had your miscarriage you lost a member of your family. The emotional healing from this loss can take far longer than the physical healing, which is usually pretty quick. For some families, the loss of an unborn baby is akin to losing a parent, a beloved pet, or a close friend. While I hope you've never experienced any of these things, you can imagine the intensity of the grief that is associated with the loss of a loved one. In many ways, a miscarriage is harder. You often don't have closure, or a way to say goodbye. You usually don't have an answer as to why. And as you watch your pregnant friends experience the excitement and joy of a coming baby, you experience the pain of the loss all over again.
Many people dismiss the pain associated with a miscarriage, and may tell you “Get over it. You'll get pregnant again.” You may even feel like all the people who supported you during your miscarriage have forgotten about the loss, and have all moved on. Except you. Truth is, you can no more just "forget about it" than you could losing any other member of your family. The important thing is to start finding strategies for coping with the grief of a loss, and a healthy way to mourn. This is not a hormonal problem, nor is it a sign of weakness. Medications like anti-depressants can sometimes help, but my strongest recommendation is for you to see a therapist. Most therapists are extensively trained in grief counseling, and can help you find the tools within yourself to cope. Most women do feel the intense grief around the time of the loss. But the fact that you're still feeling it means that it is time to get help. I'm glad you reached out, and I really encourage you to seek the support of a therapist. Your baby will always be a part of you. Your challenge is to find a place for your feelings of loss—feelings that now are interfering with your happiness.
There is a website to which I refer patients. It uses some funny words and expressions because it comes from New Zealand! It's called Miscarriage Support Auckland, and I think is worth a look for you. Please see www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz/grief_issues.html. I wish you all the best!”
For more from Dr. Fink, go to www.drrandyfink.yourmd.com and check out our article, Understanding Miscarriage, featuring Dr. Fink's expert answers and guidance. |
