Swingin' Single Parent

SWINGIN' SINGLE PARENT
NAVIGATE THE TRICKY WATERS OF THE SINGLE PARENT
DATING POOL WITH THIS EXPERT'S HELPFUL HINTS

If you’re a single parent who’s finding it tricky to maintain a fulfilling
dating life amidst your childcare responsibilities, you’re not alone.
Carving out the time and energy to cultivate a romantic relationship
can seem nearly impossible for many single parents. Before you lose
all hope of ever finding love again, however, consider the advice of
Dr. Terri Orbuch, the host of Detroit’s popular Love Doctor radio and
television programs. With these helpful hints—her top five Single
Parent Dating Dos and Don’ts—you can get your attitude and your
love life back on track.

SINGLE PARENTS DON'TS

Don’t get out there before you are ready.
Contrary to what your friends may tell you, Dr. Orbuch says that studies show there is no pre-determined time period that you need to wait after a divorce or loss before you start dating again. “Because there is no hurry, take your time before you enter the dating world again,” she advises. “Ask yourself if you are truly ready to commit to and care about another person, and when you are, that’s when you should go for it.”

Don’t introduce your kids to your dates until you really think the relationship is going somewhere.
Chances are you’ll have several one-time meetings or dates that don’t go anywhere or don’t develop into relationships. “You don’t need to hide the fact that you are dating, but wait to introduce your kids and get them involved and attached with your new love interest only after you think the relationship may be going somewhere,” Dr. Orbuch asserts.

Don’t look for love at a party or bar.
Contrary to popular belief, the best place to meet someone is not at a party or bar, Dr. Orbuch says. Instead, she advises joining a group activity that meets regularly, such as a book club, volleyball team, or religious group. And yes, you should ask your friends and family to fix you up. She says: “These types of meetings work. It is a total myth that blind dates are only for people who are desperate!”

Don’t reveal everything too soon.
Dr. Orbuch says that many people make the mistake of disclosing too much information to a date, especially early on in the dating process. “Disclose personal things gradually over time,” she suggests. “If this person is right for you, there will be plenty of time to unfold, and that will make you endlessly exciting and interesting to him or her, rather than burdensome and overwhelming.”

Don’t unload all of your baggage
Discussing your ex-spouse, why your marriage didn’t work, or your children’s woes too soon, is a definite “no”, Dr. Orbuch says. “If revelations are necessary, make them as brief and neutral as possible,” she recommends. “It is totally appropriate to talk about your kids, just don’t spend the entire date talking about them or trying to figure out if your date might like children.”

Single Dating

SINGLE PARENT DOs

Do date again.
Your children may not love the fact that you are dating again, but Dr. Orbuch says that at some point—and after some amount of time, which differs for each person, you have to also enjoy life and relationships.

Do find a good sitter.
If your children are young, be sure to get a good babysitter or family member to watch the kids when you go out. “Especially at the beginning, it will be important to find someone the kids trust and like so they don’t feel abandoned,” says Dr. Orbuch. Alternatively, she advises scheduling your dates for those weekends or nights that your kids may be staying with their other parent.

Do be safe.
From a safety perspective, it makes sense to meet at a neutral locale and get to know your date before anyone lays eyes on your home or children. Plus, you may want to give it time before you start showing off your empty refrigerator, hyperactive dog or messy house, Dr. Orbuch says.

Do remember that similarity, not opposites, attract.
It is very common to be attracted to the wrong type of person and someone who isn’t good for you and your children, but be careful to recognize that this will likely put you in an unpleasant partnership. “What you really want is someone just like you, similar in underlying values and attitudes, someone who likes family, and someone who is stable—both for you and for your kids,” Dr. Orbuch says.

Do watch your body language.
Dr. Orbuch notes that it is very important to convey confidence when you first meet someone you are interested in. She advises creating and conveying that confidence with proper body language, eye contact and posture. “You want to sit or walk straight, look the person in the eye, you want to lean your body into them (rather than away from them) and smile.”

For more of Dr. Terri Orbuch’s advice, visit www.detroitlovedoctor.com.